Ask Anna

Dear Anna,

Hello, How are you doing? Great I hope. I thought you could help me to some closure in my life. First of all I have been wondering about my current relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3½ years. At the beginning of it was great until he cheated on me with my friend or at least I thought she was until that happened.

She did the same with my last boyfriend. I forgave him and stopped talking to her. Then she told me she drank with him but I could tell she was hiding something. Was he with her again?

Then after that I got drunk and cheated. When he found out he left me and hooked up with some girl for a week, until we got back together. After that she called and called. But he never answered when I was there. He ended up going to work one day and didn't come home that night.

Later I found out he was at her house. But she said he went in to get his friend so he could leave. But I didn't believe him and I still don't. So was he with her too? And was he with someone in Denver when he went down there because that's when he started changing the way he treated me. I always get blamed for guys I have no intentions of doing anything with. Some say he's guilty of something, is he?

For the longest time he would tell me how beautiful every girl is, even my friends. Not once has he ever told me that I'm beautiful. It hurts me to think that the man I love likes to look at every women except me. He makes me feel so ugly inside and out. I need to know if it is worth saving. Because every time I tried to talk to him about the way I feel he laughs me off. He even talks about his ex more than someone who says they hate her should. Is he still in love with her? Because when he brings her up I feel second best.

One of my friends just found out she's pregnant and the feeling I get when they're alone for a while is ugly, are they or did they do something behind my back? I love him so much I hate to lose him but if these things are true then I'm afraid I have to move on because I'm getting hurt self-consciously and emotionally. Lastly I'm going to attend school in Rapid City as soon as I get approved for a house. Will my children and I make it on my own? Why does my mother dislike me so much? Thanks for your time and guidance.

Waiting to be loved-

Dear Waiting To Be LOVED:

When I began to read your letter I went: Whew! That is bad, then oh my God, it's getting worse and the further I read, the worse it got. Ughhhgh! I have to ask you a question, just for the regular sanity plea: What makes you think that this relationship is working? What makes you think it is okay?

Who said you have to be with someone that loves to torture you, and then blame you, and continuously treat you with disrespect?

Take charge Woman! Get up, get off your butt, get a job or go to school, get a place to live away from the jerk, take care of yourself and your children and let him go.....I mean SO GO that he is yesterday's news. Old News. Not Worth Discussing. Honey, no matter what else you think this is, one thing it isn't, and that is Love. Love is equal with Respect.

At the same time as you are getting gone, get over it. It isn't all his fault. You stayed. See, that is your fault. You cannot change him, it is not your job, so get gone before he beats the crap out of you.

You have the right in your life to be loved. To be treated in a good way, in a respectful way. You have the right to find peace in your heart and life. Leave chaos behind. It is a mirror or love but is not, in and of itself, loving in nature. It is domination and control, and a whole lot of other negative things.

The man you are involved with still has a teenage mentality. Let him go. Maybe his momma will take him back until he is finished growing up. He is not equal to an adult relationship. Let him go back to mom.

Going to school is the best thing in the world for self-improvement. That is the best decision you could ever make. Please stick with it. I know it isn't easy, but it is doable.

Your mom doesn't dislike you. She gets totally stressed out when she sees you staying in stupid relationships, and repeating the same pattern over and over again.

She gets tired because you are sure she doesn't have any wisdom or know anything.

She knows because she has walked in your shoes. Your behavior is a reflection of what you have been through. Change the pattern. Your mom loves you, but you are still her child, so she sees you that way and treats you that way. Accept it.

She won't ever get over it. Love her even though she acts like a parent. You are still her child. Lots of parents have trouble letting their children be adults.

As soon as you let this yahoo man go, your life will get better. Don't fight with him. If you don't fight with him then he can't fight with you.

Good Luck learning a new way to think. It's a journey worth taking. You will be fine. You will have a good place to live for you and your children. You will study hard and do a good job in school. You will graduate. You will work in a clinic of some sort. Life with your children will be filled with many heart moments.

You will find another mate. One that has peace in his heart because he walks in a good way. Have fun on the new journey! Let go of the old, and be brave and strong. Honor yourself and your children's home by only inviting in peace and joy.

You can email Anna Bee your questions at lakota1868@ gwtc.net or fax to (605) 685-1870, or write to PO Box 386, Martin, S.D. 57551.

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