Ask Anna

Dear Anna,

How are you doing? I'm okay, but I had some questions to ask. I am trying to get my two kids back and I was wondering will I get them? Because we went to court, me and the children's father went six months ago and they said I could visit them at the LOWO program here in Pine Ridge.

I went up there and they told me they were going to let me know when they set up a schedule. I gave them my number and it's been six months since I've seen them and it was hard because I heard he has been hitting them and neglecting them, and the whole reason why I left them was because I wanted to go into the US Marines, but that didn't work and I had no place to go at the time and I thought they would be okay with their father. I guess they aren't and I was wondering are they really being abused and neglected?

Also, am I getting them back? Because I know that I did nothing to get them back six months ago but I waited and waited, also he's been calling me and stuff but I can't handle talking to him and why is he calling now?

I moved and I am happy with the guy that I am with but the guy I'm with now kinda scares me sometimes but I'm trying to handle it. Also he recently got out of prison, we've broken up plenty of times but the last time we broke up was because he found another and was that really true?

I'm scared he might do that again. I find myself missing my ex-kid's dad, and will we get back together but do you see us getting back together because I dream that we are getting back together and is that really true?

I am scared of being hurt again. I need someone to talk to can I talk to you? I am hoping you will give me some answers.

Don't know what to do

Dear Don't know what to do:

First of all, let me send you back to LOWO. Somewhere, something was let go, and you, because you are the parent, need to pick up that ball again. Please go in and see them and ask them to once again arrange visitation. By not making an effort to see your children, and continuing to make that effort, you are setting yourself up to fail at getting them back again.

Your ex called you because he still has some interest in you.

When the going gets tough in his current relationship, he calls you because he is more comfortable with calling you than going out and seeking a brand new relationship. Don't be fooled, however, he hasn't changed - and so all of the problems that the two of you had before you broke up will still be waiting for you if you get back together.

There is a good chance that the two of you might "hook up" and that would probably be good for your children. Unless the two of you seek professional counseling however, the relationship will not last.

The children are not usually abused by your ex. He uses some disciplinary measures that I think border on abuse. Spanking a child is even questionable, but slapping one is not acceptable. I think that has occurred on more than once.

Neglect, may be in the eyes of the observer. It may not be totally correct. Just because a child doesn't appear clean and neat, or doesn't have totally proper clothing, or is not included in adult conversations does not mean the child is neglected.

Both you, your ex, and your children would benefit from parenting classes. Sometimes people forget that they are forging from children successful or unsuccessful adults. Children are not a species unto themselves. They turn into big people.

They need guidance and direction and nurturing. Emotional outbursts, yelling, fighting, irregular meals and irregular rest do not foster mentally healthy adults.

Children take their problems (including the peace or lack of peace) into their adult lives. They seek positive attention through their friends, and escape from their troubled lives through substances.

Your current boyfriend and you do not have a happy relationship. You say you are scared of him. That is a good warning.

I see you and your ex eventually trying to make a go of it - but without counseling it will not last. I see you and your current boyfriend having so many problems that he seeks the company of other women.

Focus first on your children and counseling. Consult with LOWO concerning parenting classes for you and your ex. Good Luck!

Dear Anna,

Please Anna I need to know did my sister really get raped? Do you know who did it? Was she lying or was it the truth? Who did it? Do I know him or does she know him? Is my other sister doing okay? Is she up above? I know what I been doing was bad and I know that my boyfriend is cheating on me. Should I tell him the truth or just break up with him? Does anyone like me for who I am you know like a boy?

Do you see me leaving school for awhile like you know transferring? Is there anyone that even cares about me? Why did my cousin try to commit suicide? What is the point of committing suicide?

Questions

Dear Questions:

Your sister was sexually assaulted. Even if I could tell you who did it, I could not do that in this column. You do not know the guilty person. Please understand that rape is a horrendous crime of violence, anger and rage. It means that the person that assaulted your sister is mentally ill without any ability to control himself.

What scares me most is that the police do not seem to have the funds, time, or capability to fully investigate such crimes on the rez. The creep that did that to your sister is still free.

Your sister is in the Spirit World, and very gently feeling the love of her family, ancestors, and the Creator. She is doing quite fine. Her "life" in the heavens is filled with joy and learning.

She is accompanied by a dog, a medium sized black and white dog. They "hang-out" with each other. She checks in on your entire family from time to time and is growing up with loving guidance.

Dump the boyfriend. You will sooner or later anyway, but why suffer in the meantime? There is a lesson there for you. You deserve the best treatment from a boyfriend that anyone can receive.

Suicide? The point is in the heart of all of the survivors. The pain is in the hearts of family and friends. Suicide is a definite symptom of mental discord or illness. It is a sign of deep depression with an absolute numbing of the rational mind. It is a tragedy when it besets a family. It has no remedy. Once it is done, it is over - no do-overs, retries, reconsideration, or even the thought that maybe you are not in your right mind.

Anyone that feels that there is no better thing in their future, there is no better way to live, there is no hope for love, no hope for any wonderful conversations with friends, families, and even strangers. The point for the one who commits suicide is that there is no point, it is over. For the survivors, they have to recall their future, they have to recall their lives, they have to recall their hope, and they have to gather in their love.

Dear Anna,

I thought I'd write to you with a few questions. When I was younger I use to see things that weren't there. I remember one time I seen two little girls in an out-house, all I can remember was that they were laughing seemingly in embarrassment and they were hiding their faces, at the time we were butchering a cow at one of my unci.

Another time I remember seeing an old lady on a horse with an old man standing beside them, this time it was yet another unci passing, I remember getting scared and running away to tell my parents of what I've seen. My question is what do these things mean? Was what I remember a fact or am I confused? Now that I'm older I no longer see or hear from the unknown, and I'd rather not know. Should I pursue seeking visions? I feel that I am lost in this white-man's world.

To See or Not to see

Dear To see or Not to see:

You were visited by Spirits. Ones that Love you enough to come and visit with you to tell you of your uncis' passing. They were softening the blow, allowing you to prepare yourself, and letting you know, most of all, that everything is and will be okay for everyone. They were there to nurture your heart with reassurance of life after death. They visited you from there.

There is no need for fear. Fear is the wedge placed between you and anything that is unknown. It keeps people from seeking and completing their dreams. It breaks up marriages and lovers. It causes disruption at work and jealousy in relationships. It is the biggest destroyer of possibilities that there is.

If you can see, and you are open to seeing, then see. You will feel the love of the Ones that come and see you and talk with you. Pray for guidance and make a decision to see or not to see.

If you decide to with an open heart, an understanding of the love coming from these Spirit Visitors, then their company will be the best thing that ever happened for you. Once the decision is made, offer them your prayers, an offering of food, and welcome them back into your life. Then, just wait. They will come.

You can email Anna Bee your questions at askannabee@yahoo.com or fax to (605) 685-1870, or write to PO Box 386, Martin, S.D. 57551. All requests may be subject to publication.

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