Ask Anna

Dear Anna,

How are you today? Me, well I had a few questions.

My Ex-husband has been calling me, and I do not want to talk to him after I had it out with his mom for child support. Anna he never pays me anything and I am fed up with him.

I have been working full time, going to college and being a mother full time, and he is calling.

I just want to know what he wants and why he keeps bothering me, I have nothing to say to him.

Then the man I am with now, his kid's mother keeps coming around. She never lets him see his kids, and he has been paying child support.

So he leaves child support at his friends work and tells her to pick it up there, because I did put a restraining order on her, and she's still coming around.

So what do you think about the man I am with and his Ex-woman and kids? I really have to know,

Woman in the middle

Dear Woman In the Middle:

That's exactly where you are, in the middle. Your ex-husband has you in the middle of his relationship with your children and you have him stuck in the same place. At that same time, you are in the middle of your current's mis-managed disaster.

Oh, don't tell me, you also have to be in the middle of some disaster at work, and probably you are in the middle of almost not doing so well in school because of the chaos around you. You definitely are stuck in the middle.

You have to get un-stuck, girl.

Get out the detoxifier that will dissolve the glue that binds you to the chaos that being stuck creates. Make a decision that it is okay to be okay.

Make a decision to seek peace from within and allow that to be the construct of your physical reality. In other words; by being peaceful your will create a peaceful place to be. Once you know that you want peace and sanity in your life, give voice to the chaos. Demand it leave.

That means address the people differently that influence your life. Create a separation from their chaos for yourself. Create the opportunity for a peaceful personal world.

There may be a way for you to develop some agreements with your ex-husband, and your current boy-friend. That takes work, and anger is not a productive positive result maker.

If you deal with anyone using anger as your motive and your emotional guide, you will accomplish nothing but more chaos, or an ending.

You have to try to find a reasonable way to accomplish what is best for your children first, and thusly, that will be best for you. Prioritize. Kids, first.

That does not mean give them everything they want; contraire; it means give them the best guidance and surroundings and stableness you can provide.

By going to school, you are being a better parent.

You are demonstrating what is good in life for them. You are creating a better job position for yourself in the future. You are working towards and within the concept of stability. It is good.

Your relationship is not good for your children. Fix it or end it.

I do care. I want you to change your path to a better future.

Only you can get out of being stuck. I can only point the way. I pray for Wiconi for you.

Dear Anna,

Hi Anna, I don't know if you remember me?

I came to you a couple of times and you helped me.

I have been in a severe depressive mood for a few months now and I feel I am coming to the end of it.

Today, my teenage daughter walked out with her suitcase and said she couldn't live with my sadness any more, I don't really blame her, I barely live with it myself.

I left my job in June and thought I'd be able to make it and I can't, I am looking for another job and have put in some applications and went to a couple of interviews, they are good jobs and within my skill set and education. I did lose my car though and my dad has just bought a small car that we both can use, but that's part of the problem.

Earlier this year I began doing EMDR and actually went to about three appointments before my money ran out (excuses?) and it did seem to help.

Late last year I found out that my father had molested at least three of his daughters, including myself and I am trying to find a balance. I want to forgive him but I also don't want a relationship with him.

My mom left him when I was seven and I didn't know most of what I know now until late last year, at least not on a conscious level. I believe I knew somewhere inside though. I am caring for two small grandchildren and am contemplating giving the youngest back to her mother, at least for awhile.

This evening I was thinking about suicide, I said a prayer for my daughter's safety and the phone rang, it was my friend, Marilyn.

We talked for awhile and I let her know what happened and she gave me her best words of wisdom and mentioned you, I found your email and here I am.

Tell me some good news, please, I just need a little hope that I will someday not feel this way all the time.

SAD

Dear Sad:

Quickly dear one, please get yourself to either one of these two ways; or even better, both of these ways: Go to IHS and see a physician or a physician's assistant. And see an interpreter man. Sweat and ceremony would help you in such a good way.

You have a chemical imbalance going on in your body which is affecting your mind-set. It alters the eyes you look through and the path in the mind is set to a down-ward roll. Within the chemical imbalance, there is an addictive quality to the thought wave.

You think the negative thing and it creates a chemical reaction which feeds itself off from negativity.

It creates an "edge" in your thinking, and that "edge" grows by feeding on the chemical produced by the negative reaction.

Negativity craves negativity, as it can only grow when fed with negativity.

You need vitamin D. You need interaction with people.

You need healing.

You need nutritional guidance.

You need to make a plan to escape this nothingness, or being once again, the same as the above letter, "stuck in the middle."

I see that you will over-come this depression. I see that you will learn to counsel others with some of the same issues.

I see that you will give back, everyday, thankfulness for having such a good life. I see that for you.

My prayers are with you.

You can email Anna Bee your questions at askannabee@yahoo.com or fax to (605) 685-1870, or write to PO Box 386, Martin, S.D. 57551. All requests may be subject to publication.

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