Ask Anna

Dear Anna,

I am a young Lakota woman, and like many young ladies, I had a child at a very young age. I am 20 years old now, and I have two children.

Two beautiful little boys. I am at a point in my life where I'm not sure what I'm suppose to be doing, or if what I am doing is right. I guess I should start where all the loss and misunderstanding started.

When I was pregnant with my first child, my beloved grandfather died. It was really hard on me being 8 months pregnant, and on the night after his funeral, I gave birth to my little boy.

From that point on I wasn't sure how or what I was supposed to be doing. I guess you could say he was the family, as well as my, backbone!

That's been three years now, and it's still hard for me to understand why he left us so soon.

I also blamed his wife, and her kids from a former relationship. My grandfather had two daughters, who are grown up, one of whom is my mother.

When he was in this relationship with this woman, whom we aren't very fond of, they had a son. After he died, his son seemed to be very lost, and it seemed as though all his mother wanted him for was his money. She has had health problems, and in my personal thoughts, don't seem to care much about him, her son, nor herself.

Now, the son my grandfather had with this woman is 10, and he had nowhere to go so I took him in and gave him a place to live. I've bought him everything from clothes to food to games.

But I'm not sure if this is right, or this is the best thing for him.

I guess I need a little guidance from my grandfather. I need to know if he thinks I'm doing the right/ best thing for his son, and if I'm not, what I need to do, because right now I'm very lost, and could really use his advice.

I need to know that he's around me and making sure I am not giving his son the wrong care. Please help me, Anna!

Lost Young Mother

Dear Lost Young Mother:

Before I ask the Spirit of your grandfather what he has to say, I would like to offer this information to you, to help you resolve your anger and confusion around his death. Each person, before we are born, has a sort-of meeting with the Creator, and all the family members that will be alive and touching the lives of each other.

In other words, your grandfather's spirit, met with yours, your mother's his wives' etc. to discuss the impact and lessons to be shared during this lifetime.

It was arranged that he would leave at such a time as was best for his soul's journey as well as best for all of his family members.

It was in keeping with The Highest Good For All, that he left when he did.

Knowing that, then the question becomes why and how can that leaving and the timing of his leaving be good for anybody, let alone for everybody? In your case, he left you to guarantee that you learn out of necessity to stand on your own feet, to become responsible for yourself, and to carry on in your life with the love in your heart that he gave you during your time together, as well as the love he gives to you now.

In simpler terms, his leaving made you grow up. That is one of the hardest things in the world to do. All of a sudden you lose your rescuer.

I know how that feels, as my parents left me when I was relatively young (20), and I immediately lost my support network, and had to learn to walk in self-responsibility. I carry with me, to this day, the many lessons my parents taught me, and the love they shared with me, as well as the harder lessons of human beings being less than perfect.

No one gets out of this world alive.

Everyone dies. It is not a punishment. Today, I talk with my parents quite a lot, get advice from them, and sometimes warnings of things to be careful of in the future.

My father gives me excellent business advice, my mother gives me more warning information (how to avoid gossip or danger) and my sister and brother-in-law give me advice on more practical matters and on my children.

These experiences are part of the reason that I have a more comfortable view of passing from the earth, and the journey on the other side.

Now words from your grandfather:

My dear Baby-girl; love my son as though he were your own. Remember to put your arms around his shoulders now and then. Take him to the movies and go as a family. Let him feel the sting of your tongue when he is doing wrong. Let him feel the love in your heart when he struggles. Do not place him first on your list in spending money, nor last. Treat him equal.

He feels left out of his own family. Know that will help to make him strong. Know that will teach him that you make family wherever you are. Know that my blood runs through him, as through you.

He is your brother, and also your son. I left him in your care, because you have a good heart.

It is good that you question yourself. But don't doubt the strength of your own heart. Remember I love both of you, as I also love my wife.

I guess, you'd say, I saw her differently as a man, than you would see her. I knew her differently too. She has weaknesses, but she is just a woman.

I love the socks you bought for me, and I wear them here. I have a heart for love and for life, so I will think about coming back and sharing more time on Grandmother Earth together.

You need my help now, and I am around you when you pray for me, or talk to me. I have given you two presents: a peach color sun-set and a house for your grown years.

You will find both to be helpful. I love my rings. See that my boy gets some of my things when he is older. I will come back when you are older, and look at you though a grandchild's eyes.

I am not far from you. I have blankets you can have. Pray for my wife. She is confused. I am not unhappy.

I have many relatives here. I have aunt Niva (Nita?), Uncle Richard, Evie, and many others with me. Charlotte (?) and Merna, mom and Dwayne.

I have a dog here; he is called Spot. Life is good here, better in some ways than there. I play poker here. I am here with my lost family too, many that have travelled here that I did not know.

You are doing fine. It is not always easy to raise a child. The best thing you can give him is time and love. I am deep hearted in my thanks to you. I pray for you too, and I visit you. I know you feel me, it is love that I am sending to you.

Don't worry, be strong, keep smiling, and thank you for the brownies.

I love you. Gpa.

Dear Anna,

I Hope all is well with you Miss Anna, I just wanted to send a little letter of Thanks for answering my e-mail.

I always wonder, what if I am too busy in my life that I miss my one true love...*LOL* The night of your letter I had a dream about two different guys that I have not thought of in a long time and it surprised me because it was out of the blue...It seems weird but in high school it seemed I used to have a dream, then it would happen, but I think my experiencing drinking just ruined everything, maybe I will get back into that state again someday...right now life and work is so hectic, especially with classes,

I don't know how I am going to accomplish everything. I get so overwhelmed and when I need a break from work, my boss doesn't allow it even when I have leave, saying that I am not doing anything so I don't deserve a break. He did allow me to deliver some proposals to regional meeting we had out of state and it felt so good to be back there.

I went to college in that city for like 4 years so it felt good to be there. I can't describe the feeling, I think I just missed the life I had there, with the access to the theaters, museums, zoos, malls.

I did take my sons to the Zoo, but I left some important documents in the hotel room we stayed in and wen I called the hotel they never answered me back on where that binder is.

But I hope you had an awesome Thanksgiving and I hope your Holidays are filled with love and joy. I hope all works out for my brother's financial issues, he is drinking a lot and I know he wants to get his kids nice things, but him or his wife cannot see the bigger picture and do good for their kids. It's hard for my brother to quit drinking.

To me it's simple, I don't want to so I don't do it, but he is struggling with a lot more and I don't know how to reach him.

Well I'm going to get to lunch, I am starving. Have a good day Miss Anna, take care.

Just touching base

Dear Just touching Base:

Good to hear from you. I do want to tell you that there will be a shake up at your work. Your boss will hit some really rough water, he is going to be under review for prejudicial treatment of employees.

Please do yourself a favor and keep a daily journal of his unfair treatment towards you. Keep it in a secure and private place, but write in it daily - when you get home from work.

Your brother will eventually find sobriety. He will get himself into a mess that will require treatment; it may take about three times of trouble before he finally realizers that alcohol is ruining his life and his family's life. Praying for him is the one way you can help; other than that, you have to detangle yourself from his problems and just love him.

Good luck with everything. I will pray for you and your family.

Hey Anna,

I wrote you awhile ago and I was wondering if you could tell me what you answered over the internet because one night my sister called and asked me if that was me that wrote you because she read your column and that girl sounded like me so I didn't know what to say anyways because I'm asking or I was wondering if you can write it to me again or send the paper that you wrote about what I said because I wanted to hear what you had to say on my concerns and questions so can you please do that for me thank you.

Missed the column

Dear Missed the column:

Basically I said to respect yourself enough to live in a good way, and to quit trying to have a man that isn't able to function in a good way be your rescuer. In other words, focus on what you can do in your life, and stop trying to have a man take care of you. I also told you to go back to school and prepare yourself to make a good living.

You are miserable inside of your current relationship. The cure for that is to leave the relationship or learn to accept the guy just as he is. You cannot control others in any way.

He will not comply to your demands anymore than you will comply to his. His drinking is enough reason to get out, you don't need to worry if he is unfaithful or not, a man that binge drinks is usually not faithful - nor is a woman that drinks. You create your own future through today's actions. If you live in chaos, then move away from the chaos, and quit looking for someone to rescue you - rescue yourself.

Take better care of yourself. Accept responsibility for your own actions and reactions. If you find yourself living in hell, find a better address.

Good Luck.

You can email Anna Bee your questions at askannabee@ yahoo.com or fax to (605) 685- 1870, or write to PO Box 386, Martin, S.D. 57551. All requests may be subject to publication.

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