Ask Anna

Dear Anna,

It seems every time I turn around I run "Blam" straight into racial discrimination.

In September my family really needed help with our heating and applied to the state for LIEAP. I live on deeded land and pay state and property taxes. The state denied me because I am Native American living in a certain county. They said I had to go through the much burdened tribal LIEAP.

I have written complaint letters, even to the state legal services department which helps with discrimination. They ignore me, give me the run around or agree I should not be discriminated against.

Am I ever going to win this or should I resign myself to believing you can't fight the system?

South Dakota Second Class Citizen

Dear SD Second Class Citizen:

I do not believe that the system is designed specifically against tribal land or members, but rather the people within the system try to stream-line the specific targets for their funds. If there is phraseology that denies certain groups from applying, equally with others, then that in itself is discrimination. Each case needs to be afforded reasonable opportunity for help.

Most probably (and I am not an expert in the wording or the funding intent) if a person qualifies for assistance from one program, then they do not qualify for another - much the same as qualifying either for a federal program's benefits such as Social Security, as opposed to state funding like SSI. Does that make sense to you? In other words, if I do not have enough quarters of paid Social Security in my work history, but am injured or ill, then the state takes over with their insurance program. But if I qualify for social security benefits, then the state does not have any responsibility to help.

I understand about the over-burdened and short-funded energy assistance program on the Rez. I know how they run out of funds, and how they don't have enough people to adequately process the heavy burden they carry. I understand why you would refer yourself to another program. I would probably do the same thing.

If this is an issue that you care to address, then contact your State Representative and your Congressman. Also appeal to the Governor's office. Organize like-minded people and find a legal representative to drive a petition for change of the policies, or advocate for additional funding and personnel on the Rez.

I am not denying that discrimination exists against the Native American population. I am aware of it and have even suffered by it, when an erroneous assumption was made that I am Native American (even though I am blondhaired and blue-eyed).

In one community that I lived in, the city employees decided that I was a sister to a Lakota friend of mine. They treated me disgracefully, at city hall and even in the local bank due to that prejudice. I also felt reverse discrimination when I lived on the reservation.

I don't like discrimination. I don't like it at all. In my opinion, it puts oneself in judgment of God's Creative design of humans.

Education is the key and respect is the advocate to eradicate the dangerous practice of discrimination. Discrimination is a murderer.

If there is direct language in the rules and regulations against a certain demographic group within the energy assistance programs then discrimination exists.

If there is no relief under state, county, or other energy funded programs and if the reservations' programs have no funds then there is discrimination. Ask to see their policies, they are public and you have the right to object and expose any prejudicial practices.

Good Luck. It's a big task to take on, if in fact, prejudice exists. If it turns out than an employee of the system is prejudice and is making personal biased decisions outside of written policies, then you have a civil law suit, against the person and their employer. Follow that track if you find that to be your case.

Dear Anna,

How do I tell my cousin that the guy that she is with ain't right for her? We all tell her that her boyfriend isn't the guy of her dreams but she thinks that he is.

Like last month I decided that I would have fun with them, we were having a good time then he said something to her and she started saying something about the girl he was messing around with when she was pregnant.

As all fights start he started going off about how she pushed him away and how she always started the fights and this and that, then he started saying that he wanted to leave and I said no, cause I didn't want to go to jail, she told me to let him leave and so I stepped back and then she stopped him, she told him when she wants to talk he just wants to walk away and not make it better, well then he begin to push her and pull her around and then I told him to stop or else and then he said well she deserves to get beat.... I looked at him and was thinking what the heck no woman deserves to get hit, this man must be crazy. Then they ended up leaving together which made me angry. But can you tell me please what to do or maybe even tell her.

Worried cousin!

Dear Worried Cousin:

Well, uh, what can I say? The guy IS a jerk, and she has decided that she likes to be with a jerk. I know, and you know, and everyone else knows that jerks are a dime a dozen, and not worth the time, heartaches, bruises and abuse.

What can you do about it? Nothing. You already told her your viewpoint. You already have pointed out his complete disrespect and obnoxious and unbecoming behavior. You already told her that he is no good. She isn't listening.

It is the oldest trick in the book for a man (or a woman, for that matter) that has done something wrong (like being unfaithful) to justify their behavior and try and turn it around to make it the other person's fault. There are clinical names for that type of behavior. It is dysfunctional and shows a weak person that will not accept responsibility for their own action. He is a keg of dynamite, waiting to explode, and could do serious physical harm to your cousin, using her provocation as his excuse. He could even kill her, with a blow to her head, or by shoving her into something, and justify his anger and the results by saying (and by believing) that she deserved it because she said or did this or that.

He is a bully and a wuss. No real man hits or abuses women or children, or people smaller than himself. Somehow, it feeds his sense of personal power over her, and makes her a perpetual victim of his self-righteous anger.

Your cousin needs professional counseling, since common sense is not her strong suit. She has decided that this monster is right, that she deserves punishment, that she is weak, and that he is her personal god. She has turned her power to have a good life over to him.

In the meantime, stay away from the party. Stay away as a witness to their violence, and continue to tell her she is placing herself in harm's way. You can visit her in the hospital after one of their fights this summer.

That is a hard lesson for her to learn. Selfesteem is part of the key, being the adult child of an alcoholic is part of the key, social acceptance by the masses of men that beat women is part of the key, alcohol and drug abuse is part of the key, and an apparent lack of a relationship with the Creator and respect for His Creations (humans and all life) is the core of the issue.

The good thing is the lesson it is teaching you, by example, of just exactly what you will not tolerate in a relationship.

It is giving you strength to see the truth about dysfunctional people. It is making you strong enough to make better and wiser choices for yourself. If all women would not tolerate abuse by men, then the men would stop abusing women. Let's all agree, as women, to make that reality happen.

Dear Anna,

I was just wondering how is it going to be when I get this DNA test done with this guy? I was wondering if he and I will ever be talking again or anything, or if our friendship will end?

Is this guy that I'm like seeing right now and he wants us to have a baby together would everything work out with each other, like marriage or anything!

Or did he really do anything wrong like really terrible so he went to prison! I was just curious if I would ever have another baby or get married! Also if I would get my G.E.D anytime soon! Curious if I would have my own home and job!

Will it work out?

Dear Will it work out:

WHOA GIRL, WHOA - slow down. DNA? Yep. The child belongs to the man that has challeneged the DNA test. Playing house. playing adult, and playing mommy and playing at life will not a good life make.

It is a characteristic of young teenage boys and immature young men to want to show ownership of a woman in two ways: hickies and babies.

Women are not property. They are mates. Marking them, is the stupid young man's way of telling the world that he has had sex with her. It doesn't equate to love - only to property. There is no respect in a hickie, or in a child that will not have the advantage of two parents that work hard together to provide a good life.

You are way too young and not ready to take on the burdens and responsibilities of singleparent responsibility. This young man is not able nor ready to support a family. He doesn't have a good job. He doesn't have a good education. He has bad personal habits (drinking and drugs), and cannot provide you with a lit- tle house with a white picket fence, a dog and a two cars in the garage - not to mention a new flat screen TV.

You better get your GED. Then you better figure out what kind of work you want to do for the rest of your life. You better prepare for the reality of bills, housing, food, utilities, clothing, and spiritual understanding. You have to arm yourself for life. Prepare yourself for the responsibility of yourself, and whatever children you bring onto this earth. That is a woman's job.

If your boyfriend continues down the road of drugs he will do hard time. Hard time makes life so difficult. It is very difficult to overcome conviction of a felony charge.

You can't vote. You can't get a decent job, unless you really are dedicated to your own education and success.

He is guilty of violence. He probably has an excuse, but there is no excuse for that sort of loss of personal control. There is no excuse. People decide how mad they are going to be. People decide they have the right to disrupt other people's lives. Unless you are defending yourself or a family member from imminent harm there is no excuse for violence.

You are a bad movie in the making. Please change your story or it will have a sad ending.

You can email Anna Bee your questions at askannabee@ yahoo.com or fax to (605) 685-1870, or write to PO Box 386, Martin, S.D. 57551. All requests may be subject to publication.

Clearly mark Ask Anna on your request.

This column is meant for entertainment purposes only. The Lakota Country Times owners and employees have no liability regarding this column.