Ask Anna

Hello Anna,

I'm writing to you because I have been concerned I have written you awhile back and still haven't had a response I need to know what my son's father is trying to do? Is he finally coming home? Or is he pulling a front with me? I have a man now he really seems to love me and I don't want to mess that up with him after a few years of loneliness I found love again.

What does my son's father want from me when he is currently having another child? I know it wouldn't be nice but I made my decision! I do not want my baby to know him at all, I may be acting childish but where was he while my son was growing up?? I just want to know what his deal is and what would be better in my situation.

I love my boyfriend but Istill have feelings for my son's father even though I forgot what he looks like. LOL Can you please guide me?? Also what does the future hold for my son and me??? I got my palm read two years ago and the lady said I was going to expect money at the end of the two year period is that right??? Please let me know.

What's goin' on

Dear What's goin' on:

Your son's father has just been booted by his current girlfriend... Men, in particular (more often than women) for some reason seem to seek out past loves (familiar may be easier than the unknown), when their current relationships get rocky or end. It may be that men really do have a "romantic mind," and remember the past through rose colored glasses.

I don't want to tell you what to do, because it is your life, and your decision, but the influence I have I will use to caution you about trying to return to something that really has very little chance of working out. The problems that you faced together in the past are still very present. He has not significantly changed, still has the same problems, attitudes, jealous nature, control issues, binge substance use issues, etc.

I would caution you to think about who he really is and remember with honesty what your relationship was like. If you do go back to him, I see the following things occurring: Incompatability, with much yelling, crying, feelings of isolation and despair. You will have an affair with your current lover, after the "honeymoon" period disappears. It won't work out and will exhaust you emotionally and it will take you just as long to recover from the emotional abuse as it did the last time. It will not resolve parenting issues, nor make him a better father. It will only cause tension in your home and show your son exactly what living in chaos feels like. It would not be good for him.

My advice is to stay where you are, just wait and see how your current relationship goes, concentrate on your child's welfare, and work on making healthy agreements with your current boyfriend to enhance the relationship, treat each other fairly and with respect, and work on problems with a sane and objective mind.

I don't agree that withholding your child from his father is fair, based on your motive of inflicting pain or retribution for his neglect (you want to "get even"). That is not adult, nor is it in balance to use your child as a weapon against his father.

Grow up girl! I would caution you, however, to make sure that any visitation is secure, in a neutral and supervised environment. I do not advocate you being the supervisor, as your personal agenda would not ensure a good visitation. Like it or not, this child's dad is his dad. He has the right to know his father and his father's family. I would suggest that you have a trusted third party (I see a cousin of yours that would work out well), where your son can visit with his father and you run no risk of his father kidnapping the child for revenge against you.

Parenting is an art form and the greatest responsibility you will ever have in your life. Be honorable, and instill in your child good values, especially the values of respect for self and others, integrity/honesty, compassion or lack of judgment against others, and courage or strength enough in your character to do the right thing.

The way you are headed, the ingredients to be a good parent need some buffing up. You are angry with your child's father, and you want to impress him with your power over him. You are capable of using that power to torture him if you decided to pick up a relationship with him, and further torture him and his family with your power over witholding your child from his family (his father and his father's family, remember are also his family).

Let go of your personal vendetta. You are first of all a parent, and somewhere way down the line an injured adolescent with a revengeful and destructive nature that only leads to unhappiness and pain. Grow up mama. You gave up childhood emotional tantrums when you put on your maternity clothes.

Good luck. I am not angry with you, I am just calling it out as I see it. You will have a much better life when you quit trying to get even with people that you feel have wronged you.

Dear Anna,

I am writing in regards to some questions about some loved ones. Are they okay? Do they know how much I love them still and I think of them and pray for them? Are they on the other side? Are they even around me or my children because sometimes my infant smiles and waves at the sky or is it their guardian angels? Thank you for all your help…

P.S. Will my lil' sis have a boy or a girl?

Loved Ones

Dear Loved Ones:

Yes, they are fine. Yes, they have made their journey (I see two older adults (one grandma and one grandpa) and one auntie (probably around 50). I also see a younger man, in a wheel chair, and another young man with dark hair, that looks like he would play basketball, and he wears a chain around his neck with dog tags (i.d.- possibly military). Everyone is well and in balance within their own understanding, and very happy. Yes, they visit you and your children, and yes, your youngest infant sees them clearly. Please encourage that as he gets older, so that he may keep in contact with those on the other side, and not push that ability away as most children do as they get older. Adults sometimes may get scared and think that the loved ones are trying to take their child away to the Spirit World, and so they mistakenly discourage their young ones from contact with the ones that have passed over.

Your relatives and friends on the other side are watching out for you, they love you, they check in on you, and the one grandpalooking man shows me a cowboy scarf, and waves it, and smiles, and shows me a space in his teeth near the back of the jaw, that has a gold tooth in it. I think he means that his tooth or teeth are back. The grandma shows me her holding a takojia (probably you) when a baby, shows me a willow stick, and boots that she loves. She also shows me a star quilt, that seems to be blue and white, and shows me through tears of love how much it means to her. She also shows me a gold wedding band ring, and thanks everyone that sent pictures with her.

The young man in the wheel chair shows me he can get up and walk now. He shows me a dog, I think the dog is black, white and a little brown around the ears, and a photo-album that he carries with him. He shows me some ribbons or awards that he has, and I also see a cow and a horse with him.

Blessings to you from them, tukosia. They know how much you love them, and they love you too. They are not here on the earth walking in the flesh, but they are not gone from life and never forgotten.

I see a boy for your little sister.

Dear Anna:

How are you? I am okay. I have a question, recently my husband was gone - I am wondering if he was having an affair on me. When I ask him, he says "No, don't worry about it, I didn't do anything." We have been together for a lot of years.

Just wants to know

Just want to know:

I do not want the responsiblity of saying one way or the other. I do not want you to base your information on what I say, and make a decision on what I see. I want you to make your decision based on how you feel, on what it going on inside the relationship, and on your own common sense and intuition. I do know that one mate being gone or absent from the other without explanation and without communication during that time is very unhealthy and disrespectful of the relationship. It is not acceptable behavior.

I do know that your husband does love you. I do know that sometimes he has a gut feeling inside to run away and get away from everything. That does not mean that he doesn't love you, it just means that he has a need, from time to time, to escape the responsibilites of his reality. It would be in his best interest to find a different way to

relieve stress. You can email Anna Bee

your questions at askannabee@

yahoo.com or fax to (605) 685-1870, or

write to PO Box 386, Martin, S.D. 57551. All

requests may be subject to publication.

This column is for entertainment only